going to thursday nite..

if you have gone inside msn, and had spotted my greeting name, you must be wondering why I wrote that. to talk about my current job, I have received plenty of advice and help and support from family and friends. is there another better job for me elsewhere? Maybe Allah had determined whether this data entry job is for me, and there's a lot of 'cubaan' or obstacles that come in my way. And I can say that I have changed. (felt like i did) due to culture shock, working environment, change of friends, the way i work.

Data entry. it may seem like a simple job: analysing, putting all the required info into the microsoft excel with the goal of doing it fast and with minimum mistakes. if you don't know, ask ppl. that's easier said than done. it is good to be friendly, open, humble. tease ppl and never gossip about others. Most important of all, be really patient and receive all the bullshit from others. get the meaning?

but the truth is, I'm scared. I'm scared of wronging ppl, making them angry, making them complain about me, making them gossip about me. and I'm scared of the whole environment, the ppl, the office gossips, the office itself. and I'm scared of what they want to talk bad about me. I'm scared of being manipulated. I'm afraid of trusting others. that's why you see me quiet most of the time, and even they try to backstab me straight on the face, I will just keep my cool and just do my own job. most importantly, I do not want to get involved in the office politics that is going on right now. my intention to come to that office is to do my work, not to find trouble. I want to keep a low profile, and let nobody know about the real me. is that easy? NOPE.

I have come to realise that being a temp staff, I'm just a small fry compared to others. even my boss can be totally unreasonable, but his words speak more volumes than mine. (did I fail to mention that he's the operations Manager?) everyone can listen to him, side with him, joke, laugh with him. ) and I realise that 2 months too late. and my good friends are leaving the company at the end of the month, leaving me alone to cope in this cruel, cold world of office life. Backstabbing is the norm of ofice politics. I do not know why, but I really cannot perform my best when I know someone may be watching over me, searching for my mistakes. you may say, just ignore them. do your best and just keep a low profile. I am not a perfect person. most of the time, I make mistakes. and almost everyday, I did get scoldings from Johnny. it may be something new that I haven't learnt yet, but still, I really need at least 2 or 3 times of repeated words to get inside my head. i admit, I am a slow learner. As long as you give me time, I will try my best to learn. once you point out my mistakes, I will try my darnest to never make that mistake again. and at home, I will improvise on my methods to continuously give my 100% effort into my work. trial and error. it is onlt the best way to learn on the job. I feel like I'm investing my 100% effort, but my friend told me, I need to work more harder than before to make up for my mistakes.
right now, I make it a point to finish all my work at the end of the day, and try not to leave one document behind to do the next day. I want to master the skill of finishing all aspects of the work, not only updating the inventoy list, but also on my weakness, the passing around documents. the methods of passing change so fast until i myself get soo blur. u get what I mean? also, the matching of documents and for that, I need to liaise with the cs ppl to get the customer copy from them.

the most important thing in life, all of us make mistakes, try to learn from them. as for me, I strive my best in my work. but once I reached a certain standard, I must work harder to maintain that standard. it is easy to slack. but it's really difficult to earn back the trust from others. I learnt that lesson the hard way. for me, it has never been more humbling. I learnt to be organised, learnt to be more aware of the surroundings. (except when I'm doing my work, that's when I'm really engrossed updating the list. even ppl had to call me several times to grab my attention. hee.. ) I learnt so many things about my blindspots, which I'm not proud of. the part and parcel of my job. the treatment they give me is totally different than perm staff. I had to endure that. haix.. let me think... is there anymore I want to say in this blog post? (scratching my head) Zilch.

this is my job, my life. and this is... me.

p.s. even if I tried my best but it doesn't work out, I might as well leave and find another job.